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A young blonde college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
“Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”
“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.
“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”
“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said. “there must be some mistake.”
“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
“The man , The Machine, The Software – PeopleSoft VII”
Boy – “I am a PB boy”
Girl – “I am a PB gal”
“Badte bacho ke liye complete software – Powerbuilder”
“Eat bugs, Sleep bugs…..Do only debugs”
Internet Programmer – “I got the ASP power , now u go get it!!!”
“Microsoft office – Nothing official about it !!!”
” Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus…. Software hai jaha, Norton Antivirus hein vaha…”
Project Manager – I want the code today….
Programmer – 2 minutes
“Programmer ka kaam kare asaan, Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan…VB….VB…..VB”
A Japanese tourist was going to the airport in a taxi. He was talking continuously about Japan. At one point, a Toyota overtook them.
Japanese: Toyota, very fast. Made in Japan.
After some time, a Honda overtook them.
Japanese: Honda, very fast. Also made in Japan.
At last, they reached the airport.
Driver: Rs 300, sir.
Japanese: How is that possible? We have hardly travelled 5 km.
Driver: Meter very fast. Made in India, sir!
An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest.
He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about.
“Why do you wear your collar backwards?” The old Jewish man asks.
The Priest, being polite, responds “Well, Sir, because I’m a father.”
“I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal.”
“Yes,” the Priest begins, “but I am father of many”
The old Jewish man shakes his head. “I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards.”
A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After 2 weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family.
Since this was a new home, the process took some time. The silver went into the closet, items were put on the walls for display and some of the most intimate apparels were put in the bedroom drawers.
A week later, they received a mail carrying two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a piece of paper with a single line, “Guess who sent them.”
George decides to take his boss Sam to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace.
George offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about 3/4ths of the way stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is.
George said, “Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress.
Question: Do you know my son has many degrees?
Answer: Is he a thermometer!
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Question: Why it is easy to weigh fish?
Answer: Because it has scales!
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Question: Why does the donkey smile when lightning flashed?
Answer: He thought that someone is taking his photograph!
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A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, “Ah shore do, wardn. Ahd be mighty grateful ifn yood play Achy Breaky Heart fur me bahfore ah hafta go.”"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that,” says the warden. He turns to the biker, “And you, biker, whats your last request?”"That you kill me first.”
After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, “You know what I really feel like honey ?” “Well sure,” she blushed, “But we gotta eat sometime !”
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