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After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, “You know what I really feel like honey ?” “Well sure,” she blushed, “But we gotta eat sometime !”
Joe walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Bryan.”
“Who?”
“Bryan Smith. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bryan.”
“There are always a few clouds over everybody,” says Joe.
“Not Bryan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star.”
“He was something, huh?”
“He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood.”
“No wonder you remember him.”
“Well, I never actually met Bryan.”
“Then how do you know so much about him?” asks Joe.
“Because I married his widow.”
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. Banta ran up.
The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can`t swim. Please save her. I`ll give you Rs 500.”
Banta dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, Banta said, “Okay, where`s my Five hundred?”
The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.” Banta reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
“Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
A dinner conversation that went wrong….
WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”
WIFE: “Why not – don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: “Okay, I’d get married again.
WIFE: “You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).”
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
WIFE: “Would she use my golf clubs?”
HUSBAND: “No, she’s left-handed.”
WIFE: – - – silence – - -
HUSBAND: “Shit.”
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to
his client.
“Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.”
“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What do you think I hired a lawyer for?”
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| By N2H | |||||
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