Asian Jokes SMS
Confucius says...
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat
in girl.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.
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Bush and Bin Laden
Bush was in Afghanistan on a visit, talking to Osama Bin Laden.
Osama would ask Bush questions, and when Bush gave a response
Bin Laden didn't like, he pressed a button, and a giant boxing
glove would hit Bush in the face.
When Osama came to America, he and Bush were talking. When Osama
said something Bush didn't like, he pressed a button, and
nothing happened. Osama kept answering questions, and Bush kept
pressing the button, but nothing happened.
When the day was over Osama said "When we get to Afghanistan,
i'll show you how we really do things."
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Osama Bin Laden
Osama bin Laden and one of his followers were riding on a camel
when they stopped at a small town. Bin Laden gets off the camel
and lifts up its tail and looks at the camel's butt, just then a
guy comes over and says, "What are you doing?"
Osama replies, "About 2 miles back I heard someone say, 'Hey,
look at the two assholes on that camel."
Then Bush responds with a smile on his face "What Afghanistan?"
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Buddhist monks were raising up a long pole. They had a long measuring tape handy too. They would raise up the pole and climb over each other, with the guy on top holding the tape. Then, they would attempt to get to the top of the pole. In the effort of climbing, they would fall down in a huge pile, time and again. They continued this for quite sometime. Then a British came by and asked, ''Hey people, what are you up to?''
One monk answered, ''We are trying to measure the height of pole''
The British suggested, ''Why don't you just put the pole on the ground and measure it before raising it up?''
''You stupid!'', the monk retorted, ''We want to measure the height of the pole...not its length!!!'
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A Taiwan guy walked into a bar in USA. He saw his favorite director Steven Spielberg. He went near Steven and asked for autograph.
In reply, Spielberg slapped him and retorted "Taiwanese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Taiwan guy replied, "It was not Taiwan that bombed your Pearl Harbor, It was Japan.
"Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, you all are same," replied, Spielberg.
Now, Taiwan guy stood up and slapped Spielberg and said, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked Spielberg said, "Hey, it was iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Taiwan guy retorted, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you all are the same.
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There was a Japanese man who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Toyota drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Honda sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little annoyed and angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$1000.
The Japanese exclaimed, "What! Your meter is very fast.
Indian taxi driver replied, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!
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Two groups of farmers got into an argument, as to which is more important to the world: the sun or the moon. They went to a Wiseman to solve the problem. The man thought for some days and then came up with an answer that the moon is more important to the world. The logic he gave was: If there was no moon, we would not be able to see anything at night. The sun shines only during the day, when we need no light.
There is this good ol' barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
An Asian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies; "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there - a dozen Asians waiting for a free haircut...
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This guy is out golfing with his buddy one day and he says, "Man I haven't gotten laid in what seems like forever. I don't know what it is I'm just not getting any." So his buddy says, "Hey man I'll lend you my Asian cleaning lady. She'll come in give you a beer, clean your house, fuck the hell out of you, and best of all she can't speak a word of English." So the guys like really man you mean it? And his buddy says,
"Yeah sure I'll send her over tomorrow."
So the next day this guy is at home and this cleaning lady shows up.
She hands him a beer, goes about cleaning his house, and when she's done stands over him and undresses. So they start going at it and she starts screaming "SAMPOWHY, SAMPOWHY!!!" And of course he starts thinking he's like super stud to get the lady to scream like that.
The next day he's feeling all good about himself and he's out golfing with his buddy again. On his first shot he hits a hole in one and just to rub it in he yells, "SAMPOWHY!" And his buddy looks at him and says what do you mean wrong hole?
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