Golf Jokes SMS
Golf Love Poem
I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;
A tree o'er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie;
A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;
A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send;
A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.
Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.
Couple Conversation
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"
The man said, "No dear."
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."
So the man said, "Okay, I would"
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"
And the man replied, "No, she's left handed."
Cheating Wife
Bill and Shirely are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Shirely, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Bill, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Shirely, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Bill, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Shirely, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Bill, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. Johnson came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Shirely, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Bill, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 15 votes short?"
Fatal Golf Shot
A guy gets a call from the coroner, who wants to talk about his wife's recent death.
"We were on the third hole," the widower relates.
"My wife was standing on the ladies tee about 30 yards ahead of the men's when I hit my drive. From the sound when the ball hit her head and the way she dropped like a rock I knew immediately that she was dead. God only knows where the ball wound up."
The coroner replies That explains the injury to her head, but what about the Maxfli embedded in her rectum?
'`Oh," says the man, "that was my provisional."
Golf joke
Husband and wife were playing in the mixed foursomes. He hit a great drive down the middle - she sliced the second shot into a copse of trees. Unfazed he played a brilliant recovery shot which went onto the green a metre from the pin. She poked at the putt and sent it five metres beyond the pin. He lined up the long putt and sank it. To his wife he said, "We'll have to do better. That was a bogey five." "Don't blame me," she snapped, "I only took two of them."
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