Stupid Jokes SMS
If you're an American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
What's green and stands in a corner?
A naughty frog.
What do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhino?
Elephino!
Why did the mushroom go to a bar?
He was a fungi.
Why did he leave?
Wasn't mushroom.
What did one worm say to the other worm?
Are you my ass?
What's purple and crawls?
A wounded grape.
Why did Cinderella get cut from the softball team?
She ran away from the ball.
Joe takes his visiting Scottish cousin to a baseball game. Baseball is new to the Scot, so Joe is explaining the game as it goes. The visiting team's pitcher throws four bad pitches, and the batter tosses his bat toward the dugout and strolls to first. The Scot jumps up and shouts: "Run, man, run!". Joe pulls him down and explains: "No, he gets to walk, he has four balls." The Scot jumps up and shouts: "Walk with pride, man, walk with pride!"
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Where you left it!
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag!
Q. Why did they monkey fall out of the tree?
A. He was dead.
Q. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
A. He was stapled to the monkey.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?"
What do you call a cow with no arms or legs?
Ground beef
Q: How did Cojack die?
A: Because King Kong used him as a roll-on!
What do you call a hundred rabbits marching backwards?
A receding hare-line
SOUTHERN WOMAN: Where are y'all from?
BOSTONIAN WOMAN: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.
SOUTHERN WOMAN: Oh. So, where are y'all from, bitch?
TGIF Vs SHIT
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.”
She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered, “S-H-I-T.”
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F.”
The man smiled back to her and once again, “S-H-I-T.”
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank Goodness It’s Friday.’ Get it, duuhhh?”
The man answered, “‘S-H-I-T’ means ‘Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.’”
British Ingenuity
During WW II a British fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad, so the German doctor amputated his left arm. He requested that they drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.
The next week they amputated his other arm and he asked the same thing. The Germans complied.
The next week they amputated one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England. The German doctor replied, “Sorry, we do dis no more!”
The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, “we think you trying to escape!”
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