Women Jokes SMS
# How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
# How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
# How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
# How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
# How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
# How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
# Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
# What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A women who won't do what she's told.
# Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
# What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?
Kick her where the sun don't shine.
# What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
# Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Three Women in Heaven
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on - very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Women's Bumper Stickers
'So many men, so few who can afford me.'
'Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.'
'Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.'
'Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?'
'And your point is?'
'Next mood swing: 6 minutes.'
'If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.'
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