Animal SMS Jokes
Animal
Jokes and humor about pets, creatures, dogs, cats, mice, frogs, tigers,
wildlife
Chihuahua
Two men were walking their dogs together. The first guy with a Chocolate lab and the second a Chihuahua
The first guy says, "Hey, you want to get something to eat?"
The second guy replies, "Yeah, but they all have signs that say 'No Dogs Allowed'."
The first guy with the lab puts sunglasses on and hands the other guy a pair. "Follow my lead," he says.
As he walks into the restaurant a waiter stops him and says, "Sir, no dogs allowed."
The man replies, "It's O.K., this is my seeing eye dog." The waiter apologizes and leads the man to a table as the second man enters.
The same waiter stops him but the guy says, "This is my seeing eye dog. I'm with the other guy."
The waiter replies, "Sir, you can't fool me, you have a Chihuahua."
The man freaks out and says, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"
Mice are nice
A cat died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the gate, an angel asked:
"Welcome to heaven. What can I get for you to make you happy today?"
The cat replied:
"Oh, I sure would love a nice, soft pillow!" And so, the angel gave him the pillow and called for the next person in line.
The next day, some mice were in line at the gate. The angel asked them the same question.
The mice replied:
"Ooh! Can we have some skateboards?!" And the angel gave them the skate boards.
A few hours later, God was strolling through his kingdom and came across the cat on his pillow.
"Good cat! How do you like heaven and your pillow?"
The cat smiled and replied:
"This place is great! The streets are gold, this is the softest pillow in the world! Thank you, God!"
God smiled and said:
"So you're really liking it?"
The cat said:
"Oh, I love it! And by the way, thanks for the meals on wheels you sent by earlier!
Doggone Brilliant
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.
"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says:
"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
Mama cow
One morning, a mama cow and her three baby cows were out grazing in the field. The first baby cow comes up to the mama cow and says, "Mama, why is my name Daisy?"
And the mama cow said, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."
And the first baby cow trotted off, satisfied.
The next day, they were all out in the field again. The second baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "Mama, why is my name Tulip?"
"Well, honey, when you were born a tulip fell on your head."
And the baby cow was happy with that answer and continued grazing.
The next day, they all went out into the field again to graze. The third baby cow came up to the mama cow and said,
"GLUPHABABABLUGHARDTHYPOGHHH!!!"
And the mama cow said,
"SHUT UP BRICK!!!"
Jesus And Ebeneezer
A burglar broke into a house. as he was crossing the kitchen he heard a voice say i can see you and Jesus can see you. Confused the burglar looked up and shined his flashlight up at the ceiling. He realized that the voice that was talking to was a parrot. The parrot said my name is Ebeneezer,and I can see you and Jesus can see you.
The burglar said wow Ebeneezer is a pretty stupid name for a parrot.
the parrot replied yeah and Jesus is a dumb name for a Pitbull.
$2000 Parrot
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars".
"Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told that it costs $2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"
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