Clinton SMS Jokes
Prosecutor: Was Monica Lying?
Clinton: No she was kneeling
Why does Clinton have a clean conscience?
Because it has never been used
What's the first thing Clinton does every morning?
Returns to the White House before Hillary wakes up
How many White House interns does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they're all too busy screwing the President
Why is Clinton so interested in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a nightclub
Hillary hired a new intern for Bill...
Lorena Bobbit
It appears that some of the White House gifts to Monica are not returnable...
Rumour has it that Bill also gave Monica a pearl necklace
What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both pissed off when Bill came first
What's the difference between Monica's blue dress and Bill Clinton?
The blue dress will eventually come clean
Top Hillary Clinton Campaign Slogans:
9. Because no Clinton has ever disgraced the office of Senator
8. I'll try not to misplace or shred important legislation
7. If you slept with my husband, the least you can do is vote for me
6. I've loved every one of the 17 days I've spent here in New York
5. Of the two insane, power-hungry candidates, I'm better at pretending to be nice
4. Vote for me or I'll have Bill poison your water supply
3. Never indicted ... knock on wood!
2. I can run New York. Heck, I ran the whole country
1. Wait'll you see the scandals I'm planning!
Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?
To meet the chick
Why did Clinton bomb Iraq?
After Monica, he figured he was getting good at bringing people to their knees
What do you call Monica Lewinsky with a runny nose?
Full
Why don't you want Monica Lewinsky and Tonto borrowing your car?
You'll wind up with a blown Injun
Hillary asks Chelsea, "Have you had sex yet?"
"Not according to Dad."
How will history remember Bill Clinton?
He was the president after Bush
What goes slurp, slurp, gulp?
Monica Lewinsky withholding evidence
What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
"Don't hit your head on the desk."
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Bill Clinton was anything like the Monica Lewinsky affair.
She replied, "Close, but no cigar."
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky?
One can't come clean and the other can't clean come
What do you call an eight-day blow job?
Hanukkah Lewinsky.
What do Snap, Crackle and Pop have in common with Monica Lewinsky?
They all talk after being hit with a white liquid
What's the difference between the White House and a whore house?
You have to pay for sex in a whore house
What did Monica Lewinsky find in her purse?
A wad of Bill's
Why doesn't Clinton play his saxophone anymore?
He plays with his whore Monica
Why is Clinton so interested in the events of the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar
What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
They both heard a giant sucking sound
Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at Revlon?
He thought she would be good at making things up
How is Bill Clinton like a computer?
He has good hard drive and ram but a problem with memory
Did you hear what happened to Monica Lewinsky this morning?
She coughed up some new evidence
The Clintons ordered a new parrot, which was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, this parrot used to live in a whorehouse.
When Hillary walked through the door, the Parrot squawked, "Too old! Too old!"
Then Chelsea walked in and the parrot said, "Too young! Too young!"
Then Bill walked in and the parrot said, "Hi Bill."
Funny Bill Clinton Quotes - Funny qoutes by Bill clinton
"It depends on what the meaning of the words 'is' is." –Bill Clinton, during his 1998 grand jury testimony on the Monica Lewinsky affair
"It depends on how you define alone…" –Bill Clinton, in his grand jury testimony
"There were a lot of times when we were alone, but I never really thought we were." –Bill Clinton, in his grand jury testimony
"What's a man got to do to get in the top fifty?" –Bill Clinton, reacting to a survey of journalists that ranked the Monica Lewinsky scandal as the 53rd most significant story of the century
"I don't know whether it's the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system." –Bill Clinton, on the White House
"When I was in England, I experimented with marijuana a time or two, and I didn't like it. I didn't inhale and never tried it again." –Bill Clinton
"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." –Bill Clinton, to a woman friend while he was a Rhodes scholar at Oxford
"It was a real sort of Southern deal. I had AstroTurf in the back. You don't want to know why, but I did." –Bill Clinton, reminiscing about a pickup truck he once owned
"You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy" —Bill Clinton, looking at "Juanita," a newly discovered Incan mummy on display at the National Geographic museum
"Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening." –Bill Clinton
"Last year, the vice president launched a new effort to help make communities more liberal." —Bill Clinton, during his 2000 State of the Union Speech. He meant to say "more livable," and then made the same slip-up in a subsequent sentence, drawing uproarious laughter from Republicans
"I asked him to do it because he was the only person that I could trust to read all 150,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations." –Bill Clinton, on asking Vice President Al Gore to tackle federal regulatory reform
"I'm someone who had a deep emotional attachment to 'Starsky and Hutch.'" –Bill Clinton
"Sometimes I feel like the fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs. For six years I had declined to tell those kinds of jokes, because I have been told it is not presidential. But I feel kind of outdoorsy today." –Bill Clinton, at a party honoring the 150th anniversary of the Interior Department
"Well, I don't have much job security." –Bill Clinton, in 1992, on why he still plays the saxophone
"Usually briefs." –Bill Clinton, asked during a 1994 MTV town meeting whether he wore boxer shorts or briefs
"Look, half the time when I see the evening news, I wouldn't be for me, either." –Bill Clinton, in 1995, on a pre-campaign swing through Montana and Colorado
"There are always going to be people who want to be president, and some days I'd like to give it to them." –Bill Clinton, in 1993
"The economy has produced 6.1 million jobs since I became president, and if Michael Jordan comes back to the Bulls, it will be 6,100,001 jobs." –Bill Clinton, in 1995
"It wasn't my finest hour. It wasn't even my finest hour and a half." –Bill Clinton, after giving an endless nominating speech for Michael Dukakis at the 1988 Democratic convention
"You'd think he was running for First Lady." –Bill Clinton, on George H. W. Bush's criticism of Hillary Clinton
"If President Reagan could be an actor and become president, maybe I could become an actor. I've got a good pension. I can work for cheap." -Bill Clinton, at a Hollywood fundraiser
"I may not have been the greatest president, but I've had the most fun eight years." –Bill Clinton
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