Funny Videos

* If there is no god, who pops up the next kleenex?
* Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.
* If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.
* Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park.
* People who say you can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.
* I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
* Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
* If Noah had been smart he would have swatted those two flies.
* I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
* Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* How come we have to choose from just 2 persons for president, and 50 for Miss America?
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
* The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.
* Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
* I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.




As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head

She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner

About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

He's tighter than a photo finish.

He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt

He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.

He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.

He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.

Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.

As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat

It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging

You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

As rare as a Blonde virgin

I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

He's as camp as a row of tents

I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

You could park a bike on that bum

He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump



* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.
* Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
* Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
* Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
* When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
* I married "Miss Right". Unfortunately, I didn't know that her first name was "Always".
* Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
* I am planning to be more spontaneous in the future.
* Before you borrow money from a friend, decide which you need more.
* They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump
* There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
* The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
* Love is photogenic, It needs darkness to develop.
* When you are working late, the boss will never be around. When you are surfing the net the boss will always drop by.


* If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
* If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.
* I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
* Practice makes perfect.....But nobody's perfect......so why practice?
* If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
* Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
* Money is not the only thing, it's everything.

* Save water. Shower with your girl friend
.
* Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
* Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
* Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
* The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
* Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
* Love is photogenic, It needs darkness to develop.
* "Your future depends on your dreams", So go to sleep.
* "Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk !
* "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours !
* God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
* When two's company, three's the result !
* A dress is like a barbed fence, It protects the premises without restricting the view
* The more you learn, the more you know,the more you know, the more you forget the more you forget, the less you know, So.. why learn.


Anthony’s Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Bell’s Theorem:
As soon as the body is immersed fully in the bathtub, the telephone will ring.

Breda’s Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Cannon’s Karmic Law:
If you use the excuse that you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will actually have a flat tire.

Kovac’s Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

O’brien’s Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Owen’s Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Rubys Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are in a situation where you do not want to be seen by anybody.

Willoughby’s Law:
When you try to prove to the repairman that a machine doesn’t work, it will.

Wooly’s law:
When you are working late, the boss will never be around. When you are surfing the net the boss will always drop by.

Zadra’s Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reachability of the area.