Marriage SMS Jokes
☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.
☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward
☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge
☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne
☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown
☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith
☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde
☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).
☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.
☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood
☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.
☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman
☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx
☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman
☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West
☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher
☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann
☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli
☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin
☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland
☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron
☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman
☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow
☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman
☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...
☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.
☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!
☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"
☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.
☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future
☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!
☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment
☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!
☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
☻May you grow old on one pillow.
☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!
☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage license?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...
